Women abuse Women too!


…and more consistently and regularly than men could!

We naturally get in to a rage when we hear of men physically, mentally or emotionally abusing women.  We have names for these men.  We encourage these women to leave these men/these relationships; we demand these men go for counselling; we get psychiatrists and lawyers and media on to these men.

What do we do about women mentally and emotionally abusing omen?  Nothing.  We just have a name for these women.  ‘B*!%&’.  And we leave it at that.

There are so many female-female abusive relationships that after having a ‘bitch’ session, or we try to get even (uhuh), we just brush it off.  We call it a woman’s natural and instinctive behaviour and make it okay.

I know I’m walking on very thin ice as I broach this subject (gently) and I am probably asking for some controversial and ‘abusive’ responses… but… hey… I’m going to lay it out.

What are some of these relationships?

  1. ‘Friends-Society’.  Before my friends beat me up… no… not you….I have chosen very well.  But, seriously,  they are so-called friends and friendships that can be very emotionally or mentally abusive.  E.g. a friend with a very low self-esteem or a complex can really dish out some poor behaviour, body language, false stories, intentionally leaving someone out of a group activity or event, and being derogatory towards the ‘friend’ they are envious of.  There’s also the competitive personality that just has to keep playing the ‘one-up-man-ship’ game in various aspects of life.  The secretive, the manipulative, the victim…
  2. ‘Mother & Daughter’. Yup.  As pure and beautiful as this relationship can and should be, there is the tiger/pushy mum who expects her daughter to excel in everything from looks, talent, education, husband, kids, kids’ education, size of the home, etc.  Although this may be done in the daughter’s ‘best interest’, it can have many negative ramifications on that girl/lady, who then turns in to the woman who is never satisfied with anything because she doesn’tknow how to differentiate her wants for herself from her mother’s wants for her.
  3. ‘Colleagues/Managers’.  Here we face competitive, territorial, and complex behaviour.  Female colleagues intentionally hoard information/data that may be crucial to team work and use it to self-promote, or to jeopardise another’s career/position.  Insulting language towards the other’s progress or achievements.  Not allowing a subordinate to grow and achieve.  Power trips.  Passive-aggressiveness.
  4. ‘In-law/Out-law’.  (I can feel the thin ice cracking under me…).  So what’s this one all about? ALL of the ABOVE ANDthen some! It so doesn’t need to be and in many cases isn’t.  There are some amazing in-law relationships where the women unite as feminine power and collectively act in the highest good for their family/families.  I have just thrown this perspective in for good 😉  Territorial, positioning, complexes, hierarchy, secrecy, distrust, some nonsensical customs, interesting traditions, soap-opera drama, conflict between generations, power struggle, possessiveness, etc., etc., etc.

So ‘friends’ we can choose and we can choose when enough is enough.  Colleagues and managers one can withstand to an extent if one has high goals and ambitions and is willing to fight back with intelligence.

What about the family relationships?  These are the most fragile, create the worst insecurities in a person, the deepest pain; creates the risk of distrust, sleepless nights, and much self-destructive and family destructive behaviour.  And this can go from generation to generation consciously and sub-consciously.

What do we call these relationships?  What do we call these women that create such disharmony and discord?  The women that expect another woman to be subservient.  To be a follower.  What solution do we have for them and these relationships?  How does one put an end to this behaviour?

At the risk of sounding flippant and callous as one can argue there’s plenty of deep-seeded issues and can get clinically analytic on these personality types but that’s not my intention for this post and dialogue.  Let’s have some fun with this.


Note:  These are just observations I’m voicing mildly.  I do not speak of any of my personal experiences.  I could probably not name at least one person per category whom I know.  I lie sometimes.  

Note:   women are also instinctively nurturing, promote growth and harmony in the family, socially and in the work force, give unconditional love, protective towards their family units and peers, pillars to lean on, exemplars of inner strength and beauty, amazing organisers, creative, compassionate,  ‘etc., etc., etc.,’…

Note:  I take full responsibility for not being PC…   

Note:  (Boxing gloves are on …)


1 thought on “Women abuse Women too!

  1. Good morning Anupa, some of your observances are very correct and some I have a few very real life happenings to tell.
    1Friends-society. Some good souls will love you genuinely while others who are opportunistically inclined will try to take advantage of your generousity. This factor is applicable to all relationships. It hurts when you see your so called good friends being envious of you when they see you surrounded by your admirers or your way of entertaining, dressing or even “your husband cooks for you all the time”. Hey an occasional chef is not everyday.
    2. Mother-daughter relationship. Oh Boy there is a lot to be said on this subject. In my growing up days the era of Arranged Marriages the daughter had to be proficient in all aspects of life as she was a home maker. Cooking, cleaning, sowing went with the territory and if your parents could bring you up with Piano, Dancing, Shorthand Typing etc. It Was considered having additional qualifications and that your daughter was ready for any situation in life’s. But you are right some mothers are pushy and you can wish only Good luck to the daughter. All mothers have good intentions for their daughters, it is only how they go about it matters.
    3. Colleagues-Managers. In my short span In The Ministry of Health and KuwaitAirways I did face all those challenges and my attitude was do your work deligently and Ignore the trouble makers and I did manage to survive. But today’s world is too ambitious and they will go to any lengths to manipulate their positions in their workplace.
    In-laws/out-laws is sure walking on thin rope where you can go either way. I think what transpires under one roof and their interactions are very personal and individual. To begin with when we acquire a new child in our families (Dil or Sil) we are obliged to accept them as our children. Only when we give them our love and respect and introduce them to the society with pride, and give them due importance will the child feel welcome to the family. To treat them as our own children and then only will they also get over the fear of the In or Out laws. To end my little note I must say that the world is a beautiful place to live in if we chose to and the simple way is everybody should be true to themselves and live in the moment-now forgetting the old trespasses this beautiful earth will be a true Jannat.
    Today being the Thanksgiving, we have a lot to thank for. We are so Blessed to have the entire Universe at our wish and command. So let’s all celebrate Dada’s Birthday by feeding the birds. “Acceptness” is the only way of good life.0m Sai Ram

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